I want to make a zoo with you.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
