We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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