Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
