Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
