sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just blew my weed a kiss
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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