I want to stick my p in your. b.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
