Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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