the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
