I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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