don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My life is pants optional.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
