If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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