so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
