Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ugly people sure do ruin things
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
