We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
