Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
