Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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