i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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