So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
