Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
