The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
