my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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