I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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