Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
