You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
