You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
