You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
