oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
