my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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