The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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