Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
