matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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