I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize