All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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