just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
