Nicole vs. Life
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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