winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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