At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
