The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
