your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
