i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
