A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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