i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
