hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
