Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
