Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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