well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dick has a subreddit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
