i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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