My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
