I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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