Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
