Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
