She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
