i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
