Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize