im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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