Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
