You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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