for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want her autograph on my taint
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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