please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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