i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize