I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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