I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
