and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So many bounce houses so little time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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