I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
