If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
