i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
