I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
