I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
