He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
