I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
