haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
