I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
