God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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