Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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