He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize