You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
