I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
