btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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