I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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